How To Get A Boyfriend, Or Girlfriend
There comes a time in ones life where you want a relationship, and you are interested in learning how to not be single. Perhaps you are casually dating, perhaps you feel lonely, or perhaps you like a certain someone and want them to like you. Whatever the reason you most likely will want to learn how to get a girlfriend, or how to get a boyfriend.
Unfortunately, there’s no real quick answer that applies instantly to everyone that will always work, if you are looking for a guide like that, close this page and go back to the dream land you’ve been living in. Maybe you can magically wish things better without taking any action.
I don’t care what books you’ve read about the law of attraction and positive thinking, thoughts can only produce ideas, and open your mind up to opportunities, and perhaps even alert others to opportunities, but once those opportunities come it’s up to you to take action. Taking action will give you results much faster than waiting for the opportunity, even if mental power can get you more opportunities, and prepare you for when they come.
The trick in fiding a girlfriend/boyfriend is action. I used to be afraid to take action, I let stuff happen around me, and it wasn’t always what I liked. Get used to it, or get over it, and get on with it. Your life is nothing but what you make of it, and if you don’t consciously and physically make something happen, you will be a slave to the requests of others. So you might be reading this at 3am, and it might not be the right time to take action, what should you do? Take some action now to at least progress you towards your goal. Write a note and put it in your car to remind you send an email to someone, go on AIM and start talking to people to at least practice if nothing else. You need to make a habit of taking action.
The next trick is to form a plan of continual action. Make it a goal to talk to 10 girls/boys tommorrow. If you live alone and don’t have the opportunity, go to a bookstore or busy mall. You don’t even have to say anything.
Can someone who pees himself when he even looks at a member of the opposite sex take action?
It depends… Depends on what? If that person is wearing Depends! (Sorry, couldn’t resist). But if someone like this can strap on a diaper, and start smiling at 10 people of the opposite sex every single day, surely you can walk up and open your mouth to produce sound.
Start a case study
One mentality that really helped some friends of mine that used to be terified of women, but for the last time decided they had enough, was to look at it as “purely scientific” (and it started with a dare even to get them to do that). What they would do is they came up with a few approaches, it started out with just saying “Hi, I’m John”, then “Hi, I’m John, what’s your name?” Then “I couldn’t help but notice you over there and you seemed like an interesting person so I thought I’d say hi… tell me about yourself would you?”. They would try this with any and every girl they would meet, and I mean ANY. They were required to finish the “script” with at least 10 women every single day, and mark the responses on a scale of 1-10. Every few days they would change one tiny little thing, and compare the average response. They eventually got more complex. Ask a yes or no question, if yes, then respond with this, if no, then respond with that.
One time I saw my friend talking to someone that was very ugly and always had a negative attitude. The funny thing is, we all laughed at the time, and we laughed when the girl would smile at him in the halls at school, but 1 month later he was actually introduced to someone she knew from class that later introduced him to another friend of hers, who was one of the best looking girls in school, and which later became his girlfriend. People have friends, and every ugly mean girl or boy has at least one friend that is more attractive then them. What’s even more funny, is I actually saw that same mean ugly girl the other day, and she lost a ton of weight, got her braces out, learned to change her attitude (although she’s still a little bit sassy, but now in a more fun witty way) and is actually somewhat attractive now, but her friends she was with were gorgeous. The point isn’t that you should be excited to talk to people who aren’t attractive, but you have to learn to be comfortable with talking with everyone from hidious to flawless. Besides, you might just make that person’s day, and you never know what actions they take might indirectly make your life better at some point.
Make a plan to fail a lot, with different approaches
Whether you’re a guy looking to get a girlfriend, or a girl looking to get a girlfriend (or even someone who has some other unsual preference), the best thing you can do is fail a lot. It sounds weird, but it’s informational failures, it’s not actual failures. Failure is the best way to get feedback that what you are doing isn’t working. But that’s okay because if you had a perfect method of success, then you wouldn’t be reading this article. It’s only because we fail that we are forced to learn. The problem is not that we fail, it’s that we don’t fail at a fast enough rate to find success. Success lies on the opposite side of failure. Girls, this will actually be tougher for you to learn. Even girls that learn it often still have troubles believing it. The reason that guys tend to understand this better, is because guys are more likely to be taught to play sports when their young, they’re more likely to be told that “striking out is a part of the game”, and that the best baseball batters in the world strike out much more than half the time, but if they don’t swing, they’re sure to strike out. It’s an analogy that guys tend to be able to relate to better. But it’s okay, because guys are usually the ones that are expected to make the move. That’s no excuse not to make a move if you’re a girl, but it means it’s much more likely that you only have to show interest to a few guys in order to get them wanting to talk to you, and to get them to take action. How do you get a girlfriend? How do you get a boyfriend? You swing until you strike out, and you strike out until you hit a home run, and you hit home runs until that’s the only thing you know how to do.
Failure is a verb. You can fail, but you can never be a failure unless you don’t try, and don’t learn from your mistakes. Talk to every single girl/guy you can, try to get them to give you a positive response and test how that method on average performs. This is the same method that Einstein, Edison, and several successes always use when they don’t know what to do. The only other way to learn is to copy someone’s behavior, or at least start with the mold of their behavior and change it until it fits. Of course the best method may be to do both. If you know a girl that always seems to have boyfriends, or a boy that always seems to have boyfriends, get to know that person. If you are a guy looking to get a girlfriend, a girl who has had lots of boyfriends will have gained a perspective of lots of guys, get to know what she looks for in a guy, what she tells you, and more importantly, what she doesn’t tell you. If she says she likes someone nice, but all the guys she dates are jerks, she really is attracted to someone like that. If you know a guy that always has girlfriends and you are a guy, the guy will have a certain attitude, a certain way of acting, a certain way of communicating, and he will take certain actions. When you are on your own, you can try to be him. When you are with him, you can ask him questions. Learn how he thinks, and try to see things from his perspective. If you do, you will have a much better time at getting a girlfriend.
Girls, read the above, only replace all the males and females, and you’ll have a guide on how to get a boyfriend by modeling yourself after a girl who you consider successful with guys, and finding what girls the guy that always has a boyfriend likes.
Going From Conversation to Dating The method of testing and tracking, and constantly going out talking to everyone is what has to be done. That’s how you get feedback, and that’s how you can make changes, learn from them, and continue until they work. It’s actually quite exciting and can be very fun. But as you continue to get responses you like, you will continue to gain new opportunities. Perhaps the toughest thing is actually being able to say “no”. For someone who hasn’t been able to get a girlfriend/boyfriend easily, that all of a sudden has lots of girls/guys interested to say no, is almost like dropping a steak in front of a starving wolf and expecting him not to eat it. But it has to be done. You have to be able to turn people down for 3 reasons.
1) Sometimes rejecting someone else will give either them, or onlookers the appearance that you have standards, and you’re actually a challenge. This means that people might actually try harder to be the person you want, and to make sure they ask something that works for you, and eventually if you’re not at all interested and make it clear, they’ll give up
2) Saying “No” Is one thing, but you may try saying “I can’t on Friday, how about on Saturday” It’s nice to seem busy, it’s nice to say “I don’t want to go out here, how about this” and it’s nice to have that control and freedom to do what you want when you want, or find someone else who can
3) If you approach 100 random women, even if you say yes to the best looking 20%, .you still may be restricting yourself from the top 10 or 5%. You need to say no a few times, until you see what kind of results you get
You see, saying no will actually need to be one of your favorite things to do, because it will make saying yes that much better.
Continue to track differnt responses until you learn to get good response regularly,, then until you get numbers. Then you have a whole new game of testing, the phone call. Try calling at the same time of day every time, then try much later, then somewhere between. Then test different methods until you get dates. Then test dates until you progress. This seems like a lot of work, but you can make your favorite hobby sound like a lot of work if you want. Even sitting around doing nothing requires a plan of dealing with different respoinses by saying no and it requires forcing your mind to think about a lot of things.
The reason you must say no, is because you probably don’t want to waste your time when you know in a million years you won’t date them when you could call one of many other girls that you might. Not everyone can say yes very far beyond a first date with someone that doesn’t interest them. That’s okay, focus on what you want. The only reason you should go out with people that don’t interest you is if you are unable to go out with people that do, even if it’s out of fear. If this is the case, you need to pick the bottom 10% of girls who’s number you got, and start at the worst. After a few dates you will realize how stupid it is to be afraid of something better, and you will probably realize how bad some people can be. Of course, on the other hand, if it goes well, you might change your perspective. Either result would be good. Ideally you will need to go on several dates. Normally you should turn down a kiss on the first night if you want a girlfriend/boyfriend, unless you’re interested in a more casual relationship. You may even limit yourself to a single quick kiss on the 2nd date. If you know them from something like school, you can try asking them to be your girlfriend/boyfriend, before you even go out on a date. Or try an indirect path or asking them to be your girl/guy. The trick is to never give up on a method until you have seen it fail 3 times more than you’re used to. If you normally succeed 1/3 times, you should be willing to try a method at least 9 times before you make any adjustments, or scrap the idea entirely.
After you do this time after time, you will fail enough to find the path to succeed. If you were stuck in the middle of nowhere, and had to make your way through a dark windy tunnel, standing still wouldn’t get you anywhere. The only way out is by walking into a few walls. The good news is, once you have found your way out of the darkness, you never have to go back. You can simply create a blueprint to success. If you want to refine your methods and get them to work even better, you can continue to always test them, as no one is 100% successful, and there’s always more you could do.
So to review, here is your 7 step process to success. The great thing is, it works with just about everything!
1) Take action
2) Take more action
3) Study the results
4) Make an adjustment
5) Repeat until you get where you want to go
6) Make new goals on where you want to go or what you measure as success (i.e. going from just getting them to talk to you to getting their numbers)
7)Repeat as you continue to progress
If that doesn’t work, try taking bigger action, and taking it more often until it does work.
Try, Try, and Try again… until you succeed
How many times did you try walking until you finally got it. You didn’t stop if you fell once or twice. You fell down until you succeed, and then you succeed until you fall down, and you succeed some more until you don’t fall. The way you get something is by failing until there’s nothing left to do but succeed. Just as you fell down until you could stand, you fell until you could walk, you fell over until you could run, and you fell over until you could bike, and you drove until you got it. Man crashed plans over and over again until they could learn to fly. If you truely want to acheive your dreams, you have to be willing to fall down.
If you take the above seriously, and work it until you succeed, then you most certainly will find the method on how to get a girlfriend or boyfriend.
You can learn dating tips such as how to get a girl to like you and how to get a girl to like you back at the Mind of Mystery | Mystery Method blog.
