Talking About Anger Management
We can review anger and aggression to have a deeper understanding of our emotions and work toward anger management. Often when a person feels frustrated he or she is subject to explode when their emotions are heightened. Frustration does not occur over night; rather frustration occurs when underlying issues come into focus. Frustration then is a deep, unrelieved sense or state of lack of confidence and dissatisfaction arising from unsettled problems or unsatisfied needs.
Anger then is the feeling a person gets when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which were buried waiting for the time to attack, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behavior or viewpoint particularly when caused by frustration. Aggression can be good if our lives are in danger, but in most instances aggression causes harm.
Assertiveness on the other hand is an effective way of communicating your feelings to someone else individual without causing injury, destruction or antipathy. Assertiveness is a strong, bold,confident quality we have within us in order to help us to defend our rights when others want to do us wrong. If we learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness we can learn a good behavioural pattern, while controlling our life and avoiding future problems.
Furthermore, if you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and rethink your situation, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the sources that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger brewing; then you will realize that it is not worth getting angry about, as the reason for your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are considering your situation, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is pointless.
Assertive action against a person who has wronged you, can be far more effective than blowing a gasket. We can see from an example, how a person loses his or her temper and what consequences he or she must face because of it.
For instance, two friends are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the people was accused of spreading lies about the other one. The ensuing violent episode attracts the neighbours who call the police. When the police arrive, both parties are placed in handcuffs and both are taken to gaol. Their problems have increased because they both may have to pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. Therefore, one problem has led to a series of other problems but it does not stop there. When the pair has paid off all of their fines, costs and so forth, they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, considering them immature, violent people not to be trusted.
Now let us take a look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. A couple of people confront each other after one person has spread lies around the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and asks, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he is not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came to your house”.
‘Just because I am drinking every time you come by my house doesn’t mean that I have a problem. I won’t let you to continue putting me down and I won’t allow you to visit my home again, if you continue lying about me. Friends don’t hurt their friends. So, if you have any problems with me just talk to me about them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a great job asserting himself and the results will surely prove fruitful. Let’s see what happens next. ‘I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I will talk to you next time I have a problem with you. However, I am still concerned that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I visit your home’. ‘Well, OK then let’s go to my place and discuss the matter’.
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