The Cycle of Abuse in an Unhealthy Relationship
Many do not realize it, but there is a violence cycle in an abusive relationship. Ultimately, this means that there is a distinct pattern in which the abuse that is typically experienced is issues. In the first stages, the partner who abuses will actually act in an aggressive manner.
Such aggressive behavior is indicative of power trips enjoyed by the abusive partner, who views violence as a means of controlling the victim. Although this behavior is typical of many abusers, violence does not stop here. The cycle of violence and abuse entails several other stages.
Once abusive characteristics have been engaged in by the abuser, it is typically followed by guilt. Ultimately, the guilt that is experienced is directly related to the consequences that they may face legally or socially is their behavior is exposed. This guilt typically does not include the physical or emotional damage that they have incurred upon their partner.
The abusive partner selfishly worries about the reaction of friends and family over his violent deeds. In addition, the abuser fears the law should the abused partner file a criminal case in court. The abuser will almost never feel sorry for their violent actions and the results. Violence can be in many forms including spoken, physical and emotional.
After the guilt stage comes the blaming and rationalization. The abuser will not accept responsibility for the violent behavior. Instead, he or she will point the finger at someone else, usually the abused person.
Abusers firmly believe that their violent behavior is caused by their partners. They try to protect themselves by pretending to be the abused when, in reality, they are the abusers.
When the period of blaming and rationalizing passes, the abuser will then try to make up for the violent episode. During this stage, the abuser will act normally and even sweet so that the partner will not leave the relationship.
Called the Honeymoon Phase by mental health counselors, victim advocates and law enforcement personnel, this agreeable stage in the cycle allows the abusive partners to regain the affection and forgiveness of their victims. The abused partners then begin to hope that the abusers have changed for good.
The Honeymoon Phase is quite brief however. The abusive partners regress to their hateful, hurtful and violent selves after making one full turn. The cycle of violence and abuse then repeats itself, and this is the sad reality that people who are in a violent and abusive relationship always find themselves in.
The reality is that the abuser may never change. It is too difficult for them. Help should be sought immediately in order for you, or the person that you know in an abusive relationship to recover from the devastation that has been experienced.
