Useful Mindsets in Dealing with Male Competition – I

Have you avoided having a conversation to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?

Or maybe you avoided approaching a group of girls with one or two guys with them because you feared embarrassment just because you ASSUMED that those guys were cooler than you.

There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with women who were with other guys.

They think that the woman is “with” the guy, and assume he’s her boyfriend.

Guys shouldn’t think this as a barrier of talking to a woman. Plus – she’s not a guy’s “slave” or a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses, especially in a social situation like in the bar where people meet other people.

Approaching oftenly a woman who is “with” a guy can make you look more confident, and draw out the jealous side of the guy, making him look insecure and weak.

The other reason points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception that’s why they avoid talking to woman who is “with” a guy.

Men tend to be threatened by other men, they assumed that the “other guy” is more cooler, stronger, or somehow powerful than they are.

This comes from an ancient survival strategy that had been fixed into human brain.

In any given interaction, its often hard to tell who the more “dominant” person is. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn’t know how dominant the other guy is. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious.

A guy doesn’t know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.

So it’s better to play safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Guys that were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but it will take a single loss to end up dead or exiled from the game.

And then their genes were taken out of the “race” so to speak.

So the guys who played it safe, and avoided confrontation usually lived long enough to reproduce and survive.

The irony of this is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety – guys avoid women unnecessarily because they are making false assumptions.

Here is the thing, mostly when you see a girl talking to another guy in the club or bar, she’s not WITH him.

Usually, they JUST MET!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve approached a woman thinking she was “with” a guy, only to find out he was some random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.

I have regrets when I remember that I used to completely not talking to a woman because I saw her being with another guy. So many opportunities that I’ve wasted. This brings me to my first point:

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO HER. DON’T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE.

You’ll never know until you find out. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.

So use your head – just don’t limit your options by making false assumptions.