When Divorce Can Be a Good Thing

I was the type of precocious child that parents hate. I acted like I knew everything and I thought that I had a right to act that way. My mother hadn’t quite finished growing up by the time she had me and my brother. The most important things in her life were partying with her friends instead of reading bedtime stories. She didn’t appreciate her oldest daughter telling her that she needed to buy groceries instead of cigarettes or that she had to pay the electric bill instead of going out to the bar and having drinks with friends.

Since my mom was not very responsible or good with money, I had to take on her role in the house. First to my younger brother and then eventually to my sister who came along 5 years later. I would do my best to see that they were fed, even if that just meant macaroni and cheese (4 for back then), or bologna and ketchup sandwiches (don’t knock it until you try it). I think the first time that I made dinner for my brother and I, I was in kindergarden and our mother left us alone to play board games.

I would check to see that their homework was completed at night. Being a good student with less homework enabled me to assist them in the evening. My mother was rarely willing to offer assistance or support, and when she did, I was fixing her errors. School was never one of her strong suits.

Another major issue was that since rent was never paid on time, we would have to move two to three times per year. While we moved within the same three areas a lot it caused me to have to change schools at least one time each year. Switching schools became normal for me; from kindergarten through eighth grade I went to nearly 20 different schools.

Because we moved around a lot I had trouble keeping friends. Over and over again, I was the “new girl” and had to continuously make new friends and get adjusted to a new environment. Even if I was lucky enough to be back at a school where I had been previously, the few friends that I had made all made new friends while I was away. I felt like I didn’t fit in with that group anymore.

When I was 12, my mother divorced my father since she didn’t want to be the main adult in our family. It eased the emotional and financial burden on my family. It allowed us all to finally prioritize the necessities and make sure food was bought and bills were paid. We were able to live in a house for the following eight years after a long time of not being able. I think it was wonderful that my brother and sister had the ability to stay in just one school for nearly their entire school career.

i’m not convincing you that divorce is right solution for everyone but it isn’t usual like devastating situation that some people believe. Every family needs to make decisions based on what is best for them.

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